Wednesday, September 13, 2006

NFL Total Access (Hollywood)

How many of you'se would rather hear the announcers during a MNF football broadcast actually talk about football, and stop with the Hollywood suck-fest?

I can see doing this around week 15, maybe during a Raiders-Titans-type game, but people, it's WEEK 1 OF THE 2006 SEASON! Get these guys a telestrator, a turducken, something! Because if this is the best they can offer us in week 1, just THINK how tired this act is gonna be midway through the season.

Grave acts of terrorism were perpetrated on the NFL viewing public when they trotted out the likes of:

(a) Tom Cruise (and his love-slave Katie, who always appears to me to be silently screaming through her eyes.) Seriously, I used to like this guy, he actually made some cool movies back in the day. And I really don't care that he's the most condescending cult member on the face of the planet, Theta be damned! But can someone puh-lease slap that smile off his face? Why, why, why does he at all times have to have that smarmy look like a post-Rapture Republican voter from Mississippi that just got touched on the arm by D Cheney? Leave him behind! And frankly - ladies, maybe you can help me out here - but don't the hair plugs and teeth caps look a little beat these days? I just don't know. Bleech those suckers or something. Maybe HD is just *too* detailed. Sure doesn't do ol' Suzie Kolber any justice...

(b) Jamie Foxx - I like you, Steamin' Willie B, but not right now. Remember, "on any given Sunday, you're either gonna win, or you're gonna lose." But on Monday, you're monopolizing my TV time that I would rather spend scounting out the Deadskins. Go make some more great movies, bro. Go on, git!

And last, but certainly not least:

(c) The friggin Governator? Arnie's act is just plain tired. And this is coming from someone who still has the Terminator and Conan theme songs on his iPod workout mix, not to mention the special edition DVDs - CROM! Yeah, you're gonna get 5 football teams in your state. Right. Go learn some English, pal, and maybe juice up again - cos right now the Polish Rifle would wipe the floor with you!

Seriously, the only good that came out of that mess was seeing Dan Snyder almost lop off TomKat's hair plugs with his overly-enthusiastic "no catch" signal. Gotta love Tivo!

On a side note: Did anyone else notice that Jermaine Wiggins sounds (and kinda looks) just like Turtle from Entourage? "Thanks, Vince! Come on, Drama! Come on, Drama!!!"


Seems like I'm not the only one who's had enough of this mess on MNF.


Blogger Paulomon Grundy said...

I'll have to second all of those comments, JDubs. In fact, I was commenting to Mrs Grundy during the whole game about how inappropriate the Hollywood shots were during an NFL regular season game. You're on my time now, Cruise - beat it. And Snyder always gets soo much air time, every damn Skins game, that pudgy lil' mofo is seen freaking out in his glass booth. As for Wiggins, that guy cracks me up - how can you not like him? That Forest Whitaker-esque gait of his makes him look like he doesn't belong in any sport, but he moves like a cheetah.

9/14/2006 8:51 PM  

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