I Vent, Therefore I Am (Erumpo Ergo Exsisto)
Everyone stoked for another round of professional football in the C.O.B.L.? To be honest, I'm having difficulty caring this season. It's not that I don't desperately miss football, and it's not that I am less of a Birds fan this year. No, it's that I am beat down and still suffering from the toll the last 6 seasons have taken. Seriously, the end of last season crushed my spirit into a fine powder and was snorted up by Reid and Banner during their yearly spare salary cap bender. Every year since our humiliating NFCCG loss to Tampa back in 2003, it has taken me longer and longer to recover. This year, here we are as the season is about to begin, and I can barely muster the energy to vent on this blog. Sad.
In any case, venting about the Birds feeds the soul, so I'll get to it. But, first I will begin on a positive note...there are 5 things I am thankful for so far as the season begins (in order of importance):
1) NO RENO MAHE. I mean, come on. Why did this take so long? Because he's a Mormom like Big Red? Oh, I said it didn't I - everyone knows it's true. Reno is a busboy at Chickie and Pete's and that's it. I know, I know - he's a great guy supposedly and Jdubs will prattle away to remind me how he led the League in punt return yardage 2 seasons ago. I can imagine that anomaly has something to do with either the Eagles special teams performance or Reno's few attempts...in any case, it's a GLICHE in the system. Thank the God I don't believe in that he's gone.
2) A thinner McNabb. I've been saying for years that he needs to get back to his original playing weight when he entered the League - 225. Not going to happen, but dropping from 245 (or dare I say it, probably 250 at times), back to 235 is a step in the right direction. Let's face it, he's Wilma McNabb's son....when you blow out your knee running out of bounds, you're fat. Glad to see you stepped out of the weight room for a while, Dmac. No, I still don't think you're a championship caliber QB because you're not serious enough, but glad to have you back anyway. (Isn't this what being a Negadelphian is all about, weaving tons of criticism into positive statements?) To continue, I wonder if that weight loss has anything to do with the drafting of Kolb? Feeling the heat Dmac? I would if I were you - you're over 30 now [evil laugh].
3) Sav Rocca. Dirk Johnson was "hurt" last season. Whatever. Dirk sucks. How many 35 yard punts did we see from that clown over the years? Do you know what that does to your Defense? An extra 10 yards per punt can be game changing. And I'm sorry, but if all you do is punt balls for a living, it better be 50+ yards EVERY TIME; ok, almost every time. Anyone disagree with that? Surely, there must be 32 guys in this world who can punt a ball consistently.
4) JR Reed Returns. He's back. He's never been the same since he popped his ankle jumping over some fence or some bs like that, but I think he'll produce for us this season (which makes me want to rant about how incredibly dumb these players are with how they treat the talents that they were blessed with, but I'll refrain... for now). I do not like T.O., but he's the only guy I've seen, other than Walter Payton (may he RIP), who realizes what kind of asset his body is.
5) Lower Expectations Set In. Everyone in the COBL now knows what I've known since Tampa whooped us - Reid is a moron and does not have what it takes to win it all. I've said many times that I enjoyed watching during the 90s when we were 5-11, then I have the last few seasons of heartbreak. Apathy is OK for now. Time to just enjoy the games.
Ok, I feel better. Now that I got those positive things off my chest, time to unleash everything else...if you haven't guessed, there is a lot more of that kind of stuff so I'll save it for later.
LOSING IS FOR THE BIRDS.
In any case, venting about the Birds feeds the soul, so I'll get to it. But, first I will begin on a positive note...there are 5 things I am thankful for so far as the season begins (in order of importance):
1) NO RENO MAHE. I mean, come on. Why did this take so long? Because he's a Mormom like Big Red? Oh, I said it didn't I - everyone knows it's true. Reno is a busboy at Chickie and Pete's and that's it. I know, I know - he's a great guy supposedly and Jdubs will prattle away to remind me how he led the League in punt return yardage 2 seasons ago. I can imagine that anomaly has something to do with either the Eagles special teams performance or Reno's few attempts...in any case, it's a GLICHE in the system. Thank the God I don't believe in that he's gone.
2) A thinner McNabb. I've been saying for years that he needs to get back to his original playing weight when he entered the League - 225. Not going to happen, but dropping from 245 (or dare I say it, probably 250 at times), back to 235 is a step in the right direction. Let's face it, he's Wilma McNabb's son....when you blow out your knee running out of bounds, you're fat. Glad to see you stepped out of the weight room for a while, Dmac. No, I still don't think you're a championship caliber QB because you're not serious enough, but glad to have you back anyway. (Isn't this what being a Negadelphian is all about, weaving tons of criticism into positive statements?) To continue, I wonder if that weight loss has anything to do with the drafting of Kolb? Feeling the heat Dmac? I would if I were you - you're over 30 now [evil laugh].
3) Sav Rocca. Dirk Johnson was "hurt" last season. Whatever. Dirk sucks. How many 35 yard punts did we see from that clown over the years? Do you know what that does to your Defense? An extra 10 yards per punt can be game changing. And I'm sorry, but if all you do is punt balls for a living, it better be 50+ yards EVERY TIME; ok, almost every time. Anyone disagree with that? Surely, there must be 32 guys in this world who can punt a ball consistently.
4) JR Reed Returns. He's back. He's never been the same since he popped his ankle jumping over some fence or some bs like that, but I think he'll produce for us this season (which makes me want to rant about how incredibly dumb these players are with how they treat the talents that they were blessed with, but I'll refrain... for now). I do not like T.O., but he's the only guy I've seen, other than Walter Payton (may he RIP), who realizes what kind of asset his body is.
5) Lower Expectations Set In. Everyone in the COBL now knows what I've known since Tampa whooped us - Reid is a moron and does not have what it takes to win it all. I've said many times that I enjoyed watching during the 90s when we were 5-11, then I have the last few seasons of heartbreak. Apathy is OK for now. Time to just enjoy the games.
Ok, I feel better. Now that I got those positive things off my chest, time to unleash everything else...if you haven't guessed, there is a lot more of that kind of stuff so I'll save it for later.
LOSING IS FOR THE BIRDS.
posted by Paulomon Grundy at 12:06 AM
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